hello world

i’ve decided not to write a post introducing myself, as such. i don’t really want to try and explain my entire life and personality within a few paragraphs, stuff like that always seems kind of contrived. i suppose whatever information there is to know about me will emerge as i post here. i’m going to try and update every few days at least, maybe every day if i get the time.

i’ve been having trouble sleeping recently. a couple of hours every night if i’m very lucky. and it’s not for lack of trying- i’ll lie there for hours, tired as hell, and sleep just doesn’t come. i went to the pharmacist in the village where my college is and they reckon it’s due to stress or something. i’ve nothing to be stressed about though. i’m going to see my doctor anyway to see if i can get prescribed anything proper. for the moment i’ve got some tablets called ‘kalms’ which i doubt do anything- but i’m taking them anyway, just in case.

i feel shit too, i dont’ know why but i just generally feel lethargic and apathetic. my friends have all been saying i look depressed or whatever but i don’t really want to talk to them about it- if i can’t figure out what’s wrong with me then they won’t be able to and i’ll just end up getting frustrated with them because they’ll keep trying to ask me questions and help me. i don’t want to get angry with my friends, i know they’re only trying to help me because they care about me but i dunno. i’ll mention it to my doctor i guess. maybe i can get prescribed something cool, but i know they’re always reluctant to prescribe mood elevators or whatever. talking about it should help though, i dunno.

the weird thing is i really don’t know why i feel shit! everything’s good in my life. i have a job now, i’m earning money and i can go out sometimes and do things. i’ve got a girlfriend, and she’s great and she loves me (which is pretty damn awesome now that i think about it). i have the most amazing set of friends, i’m not doing particularly bad at college or anything. admittedly life isn’t great at home, i don’t really get on with my parents- but when have i ever? and who does, for that matter? i’m seventeen, it’s probably just late moodswings from puberty or something stupid. some days i’ll feel really good, be in a really good mood. but then i just sort of crash. i don’t get it.

i wish i was in a band. i love being on stage, i like performing to an audience. my friend chris and i have been trying to get something started for so so long now but it’s hard to find committed members that are both willing and have got the skill to back it up. i don’t even care what kind of music we play as long as i can have fun playing some shows. that’s my favourite part of being in a band. the thought that those people in the crowd are there to see you really can’t be beaten.

i’m nearly 18. that’ll be good. not just being able to buy alcohol, i know that’s the main thing people look forward to but i don’t really drink much. to be honest that’ll probably change but i don’t really want it to because i turn into some kind of bastard when i’m drunk. either that or become really philosophical. i’m looking forward to being 18 because i’ll be an adult. maybe my parents will treat me a little better. i’ll start learning to drive, too. i want to learn really quickly. the freedom that comes with driving will be amazing.

i want a tattoo, but i don’t know what. i’m too indecisive. every idea i come up with just loses appeal really quickly. i know i need to commit and just decide on something but it’s hard. it’ll probably be easier after my first one, but at the moment having to choose a piece of artwork to get permenantly put onto my skin is a pretty big thing to me. i don’t really care too much about meaning. i just like the idea of decorating my body, for aesthetic purposes rather than anything else. although a meaning would be nice, i’m not too bothered about it. the meaning will come with the tattoos i guess. just reminding me of whatever point in my life i got them i suppose. all i know is i want one nerdy tattoo somewhere on me eventually, and one tattoo to commemorate my cat who died a couple of months ago. he was my pet for 11 years or something, and i think when something’s shown you absolutely unconditional love for that long then it’s worth doing something in it’s memory.

that’s it for the first post, i guess. expect more to come!

-chet x