today

today was weird, i was in a good mood but then my mum called me up. apparently my college tutor’s phoned her and he’s pissed off with me because of my shitty attendance. i don’t blame him. thing is, i’ve been to all my lessons this week and i’m going to go to them all from now on. doesn’t stop everyone being pissed off.

and then after college, lauren (my girlfriend) decided to get some stuff for a party tomorrow in town, so laur, ash (a friend of mine), jen (lauren’s best friend), liam (lauren’s ex boy friend- but it’s not weird because they’re still friends), and i got the bus into town. i felt kind of ill on the bus ride and i had a headache and i think laur got pissed off with me because i wasn’t talking to her. she chose to sit next to me though. which was nice.

once we got into town we walked around for a bit before i went to work and i started arguing with lauren over something stupid, and i got really pissed off and walked off and just went to work. i felt really hideous at work and i didn’t want to be angry any more but i couldn’t help it. but i phoned lauren when i got home and she seems alright.

but i still feel like a dick because i think it came off like i was pissed off that liam was there. i wasn’t; he’s laur’s friend and i don’t see him as anything different. admittedly i was kind of intimidated by him maybe a month ago- the guy’s pretty much better than me in every way and laur seems to have a really good time when she’s around him, but i’ve gotten over that. i decided i was just being a dick and i’m not going to think about that any more. i do a little when laur kind of talks to him and sort of forgets me for a minute but that’s just me being a knob. i’m jealous, i guess. but not any more. but i still feel like i came off like a complete twat so i’m going to email liam or something and apologise. not quite sure what i’ll be apologizing for but it can’t hurt to.

i slept for about four hours last night, it was good. hopefully i can beat that tonight.

today i decided i hate the idea of people talking about me without me knowing. i know it happens all the time but i think i’m really worried aout what people think of me and i don’t want them to be saying bad things. that’s insecurity, i think. or something else, i’m not sure.

keeping a blog is a good idea. it allows me to organise my thoughts. and this will be fun to look over in a year’s time, probably. the wordpress community seems nice too.

-chet x